


Life Goes On

by LeahElizabeth89



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Deadpool gets to be female for a bit?, Gen, Immortality, Immortality can really freaking suck, Time is a drug- too much of it kills you. Unless you're Deadpool, Um... I think that's it for the tags?, Weird POV, What it actually means to be immortal, basically everyone dies, deadpool has a potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 08:51:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7970560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeahElizabeth89/pseuds/LeahElizabeth89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Immortality is lonely. </p>
<p>What would Deadpool do if/when he notices that he stays the same while everyone around him ages and dies?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Goes On

**Author's Note:**

> This is a plot bunny that bit while I was in the shower one night. I'm not sure about anyone's cannon ages, age of death, or healing ability, so any mentions of them below are 100% bullshit by me. If you DO know, and think it's workable for this fic, let me know and I will do so, if not- I claim artistic license and blame the bunny. 
> 
> POV is weird. I do not apologize. It was how the bunny brought me the fic.

It wasn't until Ellie started dating that you even noticed it, though you didn't _pay attention_ to it until much later. No, your only thought was “So you think you're good enough to date my daughter, eh?” as you chased them off with grins, guns, and glinting steel. It wasn't until after Ellie got married and had children that you begun to really _notice_ it- how time seemed to change everything but you.

 

It wasn't Ellie that made you take notice, though, that was Spiderman, the acrobat with the arachno-back. You dropped by New York right after Ellie’s youngest graduates high school to say hi and noticed that he was swinging a little steadier, none of the flips and sharp turns you expected to see in the Friendly Neighborhood bug. You had a team up (it was _awesome_ , even if he punched you, and you got shot in the gut,) and you gave him shit on having an off-day swinging. Spidey laughed and told you “Deadpool, I'm almost 50. These bones don't swing the same as when I was 20,” and you laughed like that didn't break your heart. You don't even know for sure how old you are, and you hurt every day, but you know you'll never know what “almost 50” feels like. **(Fuck Cancer. Fuck Weapon X.)**

 

That opened your eyes, though. Taskmaster had been training more and more and staying out of your merc-business. You thought he had finally gotten the hint that you were and would always be superior, but now you realize that the fucker was getting _**old**_ and _couldn't handle_ the merc business like he used to. Ellie's youngest graduates college. You turn on the TV and wonder where the fuck these X-kids came from and what happened to Negasonic Teenage Warhead McAwesomename, Colossus PainInYourAss, and all the X-Geeks you used to play with. **(You google it- a long lifespan is a rarity for a mutant, doubly so for ones actively trying to be a hero. Sure, there are some left, but... not enough.)**

 

You go to bug Weasel, to find he's been kidnapped by freaky aliens and this old guy is left in his place. (No actual aliens are involved.) It freaks you out so much you get out of there as fast as you can. Maybe you'll visit Bob. Ellie and her partner die in a car wreck; they told you that it was so sudden the pair only knew they were dead when Death herself showed up. You weren't ready for this. You hoped Ellie didn't share your healing, but you never thought you'd lose her. You sit at her funeral and look around at all these adults and wonder where her children are. The snot-nosed brats you taught to shoot and bought ice cream and gave piggy-pool rides to are gone, all that's left are these somber faced fucking ADULTS and you're Ellie is _gone_. **(The wake is closed-casket, but you open that bitch to** _fucking_ _check_. **You've seen too many times where the body in the casket belonged to someone else, in more than one case-you, and times when the casket was “cleverly” empty. If there's a chance looking in a wooden fucking box will let you know if you're gonna see your girl again- you're gonna open the bitch, even if it's one of the hardest things you've done in your life. She's horribly mangled, but it's noticeably her in there. You're not sure if that makes it better or worse. They can say it was “too sudden for her to feel” all they want. You know dying. It hurts. You never wanted that for your little girl.)** This old guy calling himself Bob is there, tells you he's sorry for your loss like he knows you, and lets you know he's there for you if you need him. You fight the urge to punch him in the face and ask where Hydra Bob is, because he can't be this fucking old.

 

After you spend some quality time morning Ellie by attempting to find a fucking permanent way to die, you look up to find that most of a decade has passed. You go to fuck with Taskmaster and see how gross and wrinkly he's gotten to find out he's been dead for 7 years. Up becomes down and lasagna becomes a damn legitimate Mexican food, you're so thrown by this. As long as you've known the fucker, he's been messing with you and pissing you off one way or another. You knew he was getting old, but DEAD? “Yeah, it's a shame, he was only 80,” is the reply you get to your incredulous shout. **(How the fuck did Taskmaster get fucking 80? That’s like grandpa age bullshit. Seems like he was setting you up last year… Well, maybe in the last 5 years. Last decade? How old** _ **are**_ **you now? How did time pass by so fast?)**

 

You run into Logan, thank scratch-n-sniff some things stay the same. He growls at you, and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside then dumps your ass in New York. Fuck that honey badger- you don't even care, this means you can go find Spidey. Spidey... who is noticeably not swinging around. Anywhere. You get worried enough you break the bro-code and find him in a nursing home of all places. Well, you find P. Parker staring out a window. “Alzheimer's,” the nurse who showed you to Spidey's room confides. You'd notice his ass and cheekbones, but you're preoccupied looking at the horrific empty Spidey-shell in front of you. You can see the trace of where Spiderman's muscles _should_ be, but age, lack of exercise, and poor diet has melted them off of him. “Sometimes he tells us he's Spiderman,” the rapidly-becoming-less-attractive nurse says, derailing your thoughts more effectively than a penny on a railroad track, “We know it's one of his little delusions, but his stories are awesome on his more lucid days.” You don't have good memories of the Hospice, but you think this existence could fit right in. Spidey doesn't fucking deserve this. **(Spidey dies at 130 years old of sudden lead-gain to the brain. It’s the fastest, most painless way you know. Coming back is what hurts like a bitch with that one, not leaving. And Spidey ain't coming back. The home burns nicely and makes you wonder what happened to Blind Al. Not worth looking into.)**

 

Fully submersible virtual reality is invented about a century later. You live a few years as a Unicorn and get addicted to games where you don't have to feel or see your skin. Starvation's a bit of a bitch- but you come back. World War III stops that shit, though. Harder kick to break than Golden Girls, but when nuclear fucking power blows, it _stays blown_. You do well, surviving off half-remembered survival training and teaching any surviving people to do the same. One thing for sure, if the mutant/human thing wasn't cleared up before, it is now. There's not enough people left to be choosy about who you sleep with. You've never gotten laid so much in your life, too bad (for them) you mostly shoot blanks. One Ellie is enough heartbreak for even your lifetime. You leave people to do their thing and retreat to the most non-hospitable places you can think of if you even hallucinate another living being around you. **(You think you might may have gone crazy(er) for a couple centuries, there.)**

 

When you clean yourself up and attempt to re-join society, you find it up, running, and with a cure for the Big C. Too bad you can't cure _your_ fucking cancer, because your body actively hates you and thinks you _should_ be a cancer ridden freak, and will heal the cure with yet more cancer. **(That hospital... doesn't survive your poor grace when you hear the news.)** Cellphones and various other media are through a chip embedded underneath the wearer's skin. Fucking thing keeps falling out. Stupid healing factor. You're just about to say fuck it and go back to your Logan impersonation, when they come out with human-like cyborgs you can control with your brain. Kinda like Plug-n-Play, but the plug is your physical brain and the play is a brand new body. More tests than you want to admit to later, you find out that, with careful application of lasers, knives, and other instruments, you can prune enough to hold your healing factor off for about two years before it overrides the cybernetic parts and grows you a brand new, fleshy, you. You spend a few years as a woman. The clit, boobs, and multiple orgasms are fun, but getting your period feels like the times you've had your entrails fall out of your ass, cramping included. It's not a nice feeling, and you miss your dick, so you let everything grow and turn back into a gross meatsack. You run into Logan again, fellow fucking cockroach that he is, but you notice that he is finally starting to show age, only about 10-15 years, but that's a hell of a lot more than you have. **(You try not to be a jealous douche, you fail. Pretty badly.)**

 

Archaeologists find some of your old Deadpool shit and get excited over it. You unearth an old trunk of Spanish Doubloons you've been saving for either a rainy day or to pull a con like this, name yourself Methos, the Oldest Man Alive **(because as bad as the Highlander TV show's writing was, fandom shall never die,)** and start spouting all the hippy bullshit you can think of, just to see if people will believe you. It... doesn't work as well as you'd hope. It's hard to fuck with people who think Tony Stark has the same relevance as Isaac Newton. They didn't steal his booze, blow up his penthouse, or leave dirt tracks on his table. They don't know who Golden Girls, Backstreet, Adele, Lady Gaga, Nickleback, Weird Al, 50 cent, Ke$ha, or Beiber are. Your jokes fall flat **(and your hopes fall flatter.)**

 

People finally go back into fucking space. There's been a distinct lack of alien presence since WWIII, and society is re-enacting Star Trek **(though they don't know** _ **what that is.**_ **)** You slip on board a ship. God knows there's nowhere on Earth you haven't been by now. It's fun. You name a planet Raxacoricofallapatorius, because you could and you imagine the Doctor would be proud. **(You didn't find one with a red enough sky to name Galifrey.)** Eventually, though, you get bored. You steal a ship, pick a direction and go. You have no idea where you're going, what you'll do there, or how many times you'll die on the way. You're just sure of one thing- You'll live. **(Even if you don't really want to.)** Until the universe ends- you live.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The original though that spawned the fic was “Immortality is lonely. What would Deadpool do if/when everyone around him dies?” Which spawned into him not noticing the passing of time, while everyone around him ages, and hey, future, why can't Deadpool have a robo-body (he'd heal over it) and REALLY get in touch with his feminine side... I bet I know what he'd compare a heavy period to, also, if you have a character who is drifting along the winds of time, but not being directly touched by them and ends up really old but not looking like it? At least one Highlander and Doctor Who nod is required.


End file.
